Roller Coaster of Emotions

So things have been good for the most part this week. I have had a few sad moments, but I broke down for a little while today. It just came out of no where.

We have had a nice relaxing weekend. We have been spending more time together, and doing things on our "To Do List Before the Marine Leaves." The Marine asked me if I wanted to go with him on to go get his weekly haircut. Normally, I wouldn't, but today and the next few months I probably will. It's about 40 minutes total in the car there and back that we get to be with each other. We like it. Anytime is better than no time. We talked about what we might want to do when he gets back. We thought Florida was a good idea. We also talked about what we might want to do for R&R.

I didn't break down until after he left the car and went inside to get his hair cut. Basically, once he shut the door I started crying. It wasn't a sobbing cry. The tears just started streaming out of my eyes and kept coming. I decided to let them just come, I don't really want to hold them in all the time. Which I do sometimes, well most of the time. I don't like crying. I hate the way it makes my head feel, it messes with my sinuses. Plus, I want people to think I'm strong and of course I have it in the back of my mind that tears=weakness. Even though I know that's not the case! I was done crying by the time he was done with his haircut, and I felt better. I just needed to get them out.

This is normal, it's called the Roller Coaster of Emotions. Everyone goes through it differently. There can be shock, sadness, anger, guilt, distancing yourself from loved ones, the service member can be excited about going, etc. Our last deployment I don't think I was able to go through the roller coaster, it all happened so fast! This time I am pretty sure that I am going through the emotions. I know it's ok, and I know I will be ok.

I told my friend Jojo the other day, "Some days will be good, some will be ok, and then some will just suck. Those days I'll have my pity party day, and then I'll put my big girl panties on and keep living life." It's what I have to do. I have to keep living, I have to keep getting up in the morning. I have to keep moving forward. I also can't let those bad days happen more than the the good ones. If that's happening to you or anyone you know, seek help! Talk to your friends, family, doctor, a counselor, chaplain, etc. Just talking to someone can make all the difference in the world.

So I had a rough half hour earlier, but I feel better. I needed to get that out of me. Who knows when the next moment will be, but I know I'm ok and I will be ok through this whole process. And that is all that matters.

The Dancer