Phone Calls & Kisses

Wow, it has been a little while since I have written! I have been busy! I'll do catch up on the things that have been keeping me busy later.

The Marine is pretty lucky, he can call me quite a bit. Which is nice. Our conversations are mainly about my day because his life is basically like Ground Hog's Day the movie. I tell him what I did, how work went, how the pets are, and funny things on tv. Sometimes we just sit in silence.

Sometimes we talk about what he wants or needs. I always tell him that a package is on its way. That way I can track how long it's taking to get there. Sometimes I get overly excited about a certain care package. Like the one I sent last week. I went to Myrtle Beach a few weeks ago and I decided to make him a beach themed care package. So I bought a frisbee, a small sand bucket, a few other items, but the best find was a cheap bocce ball set! I was so excited about it, it even came with it's own little travel bag. The Marine loves bocce. So he was very happy when he got his package with the bocce ball set.

Sometimes our conversations are long and sometimes they are short. The length of the call can vary for many reasons. Sometimes the connection is bad and we only get to chat a for a few minutes. It sucks, but I'm just glad that he got to call.

We always end the phone call with "I love you."

I always end the call with a kiss to the phone after the Marine has said, "I love you." It's quiet, and I don't think he even knows I do it. To be honest I didn't realize I did it every time until the other day. I just did it automatically. I always cherish the calls. I always take a moment after to reflect and take in the time I was just given with him, and hold the phone close to my heart.

Cherish what you are given. I'll leave you with this.



Please send me your last pair of shoes, worn out with dancing as you mentioned in your letter, so that I might have something to press against my heart. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Deployment Bucket List

Ok here it is, or at leat part of it! So this is all the things I want to do during the deployment. I wouldn't be surprised if I add more in the next few months.

South Pacific at the Kennedy Center- Done!
Shrek the Musical
Mrytle Beach
See Nicole
See Jojo
Go back to Wyoming
Go camping with the mutt, and maybe the cats
Kings Dominion
Renaissance Festival
Beaufort Pirate Invasion
Learn to boogie board
Learn to Surf
Wizarding World of Harry Potter with Jojo
Run the MCM10K Goal time 1 hour
Wicked at the Kennedy Center
Go to Minnesota
Take up Painting again/take a painting class
Road Trip Across America

Ok that's it for now!

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb

The Dancer

The Calm Before the Storm, Good-byes, and South Pacific

Well, the Marine has left.

Things are ok. I'm definitely doing better than I was for the first! I was surprisingly calm the last few days he was home. It was a little eerie. The best way to describe it is that it was like the calm before the storm. Hopefully, you have experienced this with weather.

The day he left sucked. There really isn't a better way to describe it. Luckily, I had a friend that came and took some pictures of us and saw him off with me. That was a nice change, to have someone who has been there be there with you. Then she and another friend invited me to one of their houses for a bit. Again a nice change. Going back to the house is the hardest. It's empty and you know it's just you for however long they are gone.

So I tried to stay out in public. I held myself together better when in public. It's easy to sit at home and cry and cry when they frist leave. But for me being out in public made me not want to cry. I had decided to attend Tangled (the new Disney Princess movie) to keep me occuppied. As I was walking out after the movie I heard someone say, "Is that Miss S?" I turned around to see a friend from my 29 Palm days. I said "Hi!" Then she said, "Did you come alone?" And with that word "alone" I started tearing up. I couldn't help it. I proceeded to apologize and then tell her that he had left that morning, so everything was very fresh. Thank God for good friends and friends in the military. She hugged me and said. "It's ok, I understand."

For the most part I have been pretty good. The day after the Marine left it snowed, and so I stayed in the house for 2 days. (So I had my mopey days then.) I don't mind driving in snow, but I don't like driving in snow in areas that arean't used to snow! Two reasons, 1) Crazy drivers, they just don't know how to drive in snow, and 2) the state/county/city aren't equipped to take care of roads in snowy conditions.

I decided to create a deployment bucket list. Basically, I wanted to plan certain things each month so I have something to look forward too. I'll discuss that more later. But I have already checked off one thing off of the list! This past weekend I saw South Pacific at the Kennedy Center. It was a wonderful and beautiful show. Not much dancing, but that is ok. The actors were wonderful and the set was beautiful. The music was great, as always. You definitely felt like you were on a tropical island, you could hear the breath of the wind, and waves crashing on the beach.

I sat by a really cute older couple at South Pacific. Everytime a love song was sung they would hold hands, giggle with each other, and coo. It was very sweet. Truely happy and in love.

So that's what I have been up too. I post shortly about the bucket list, and I have a few other things that I want to talk about.

The Dancer

The Time Nears

Well the holidays have passed, since they have passed that means the deployment is near. It's almost coming too quick. I have mixed emotions. Like, I just want him to leave so we can get this started. Then I feel guilty that I want him to leave. Then on top of that I don't want him to leave yet, and then sometimes I feel like I'm not ready for him to leave. (Remember that roller coaster? Well, I'm on it and it's a wild ride right now!) I wrote on my Facebook that I was ready for my year to start. I almost feel like my year can't start until the Marine has left.

Earlier today I was thinking how I prefer the 10 day notice, because we didn't have anytime to think about it. Don't get me wrong I have enjoyed having the Marine home for the holidays. But it seemed to make it harder too. When I finished wrapping his last Christmas present and put it under the tree I started to tear up. No reason really, but it just happened. I'm tired of the emotions. I guess part of the reason the holidays were hard were because we knew he was leaving shortly after. So after every holiday it got harder and my chest got heavier. I dreaded New Year's Eve. I wasn't ready for 2011, but there was nothing I could about it because it's here! Once it passed it was also a relief, knowing that we can get this deployment going soon helped with some of the stress.

I had class tonight and it was good to be back with my dancers. It helped heal my soul tonight Things don't seem so dim and sad, there is definitely a light shining on me! One of my younger dancers asked me, "Has your husband left yet, so you can be ours?" LOL, that made me feel good that they want to take care of me. I am so thankful that I have dance in my life right now. I'm also thankful for all of my dancers and their parents. I am so blessed to have them, they have been very supportive.

I am always amazed how dance can make me feel better. It's a great medicine for me. Need to feel better or have your spirits lifted? Just dance. Some food for thought and probably some good advice...

"Stifling an urge to dance is bad for your health - it rusts your spirit and your hips." ~Terri Guillemets

The Dancer

Emotions and At Peace?

Ok, you remember the roller coaster of emotions I told you about? Well, they have started. They aren't horrible right now. We are starting to snap at each other a little bit more. We don't mean it, but it just happens. We know what is going on so we apologize right after.

I have also cried a few more times the past week. I think with Thanksgiving just passing that everything is really sinking in. The Marine will be gone very soon. I think being on the other side of Thanksgiving makes it more real. I'm glad that we have Christmas together, but I know it's going to be hard and emotional. And I hate that.

I chatted with a friend the other day on IM and he asked me, "Are you at peace with this deployment?" It had been a couple of weeks since I had talked to him. I'm sure he was trying to be nice and was trying to find a way to see if I was ok. But that question just bothered me. I have had, "How are you doing?", "Is everything ok", or "Do you need anything or any help?" Those don't really bother me, but "...at peace..." It's not like the Marine has passed away. No, I'm not at peace with this deployment. I wasn't at peace with the last one. Honestly, I'm not sure why he ask me that way, because it wasn't like I was freaking out when we talked. I just told him and we talked a bit. He asked how I was doing, I said "Ok."

I told him, I wasn't at peace, but that I was accepting the deployment and it was going to happen no matter what. It's not like we can do much about the deployment. I also said I was more numb than anything. I guess that's how I deal.

I think I may need to take a step back from this friend. When I told him the Marine was leaving and told him what he would be doing, he told me that the Government would protect him well. And that it's sad that they would spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to protect my Marine while the Grunts weren't taken care of. WHAT? Did you just say that to me! It's not like the Marine is the Commandant of the Marine Corps! I did tell him he wasn't going to be guarded, and that he may only have a handful of Marines that he's working with. So they weren't going to spend anymore money on my Marine than any other troop that is over there. I wish people would think before they speak sometimes.

So it's been a bit of a week. I'll get through it. I know the emotions will just get worse then better and that I will always have to deal with people that think they know what's going on but don't with the military. It's just another week.

Dance, Dance, Dance!

Ok, finally a post about dance! I know everything has been about the the deployment. I just spent the weekend at Greensboro, NC at DTI. DTI is a dance competition. They also have have master classes, so it was a well rounded weekend of dance!

I took some great classes! I was able to take a Musical Theatre Class, the teacher was in the Fosse Tour in 2003-2004 and he was a dance captain. He taught us part of the the trumpet solo from Sing, Sing, Sing. It was so good to do Fosse again! I also took two great lyrical/comptemporary classes, a jazz class, and one Bollywood class. I had always wanted to try Bollywood! It was great to take classes again. There is something about taking a classes, it rejuvenates you. It definitely gave me ideas for my classes and even gave me ideas for choreography!

So not only did I take classes, but I watched my dancers perform and I watched tons of other dancers from other dance schools. I saw some amazing dancers and dance pieces. My dancers did great! We did have a music mishap, for whatever reason the CD wouldn't work even though we tested before we left. Luckily, I had my Ipod, with the cut version, so we just hooked it up and the girls danced their hearts out! They didn't let it get to them! They were awesome!

Many of the dance pieces were very moving and beautiful. There was one piece that the sister studio of the school I teach for did, and it made me cry. I actually saw the piece about a month and half ago. I knew what it was about, and the meaning behind it. But now, it has a different meaning for me. It's to a song called One Moment More by Mindy Smith. Here is the song on YouTube, .

The choreographer created this for her Senior Company, half of them are graduating and moving on, the other half are staying because they aren't done with school. The group is really close, and this is a very emotional and personal piece for them. Well, the movement and emotion the dancers put into it hit home with me with my Marine leaving. The younger dancers don't want the older dancers to go, so there are parts where they are clinging onto their partners, or they step up to hug their partner and the older dancer steps away. On the inside, I feel like doing some of the things they did in the dance. It's a beautiful piece and I think many people can relate to it in their own way.

The weekend was a great weekend. It was made fantastic to be moved by a piece, and that is part of what dancing and art in general is about about.

On that note, I'll leave you with this. "Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another." ~anonymous

The Dancer

Roller Coaster of Emotions

So things have been good for the most part this week. I have had a few sad moments, but I broke down for a little while today. It just came out of no where.

We have had a nice relaxing weekend. We have been spending more time together, and doing things on our "To Do List Before the Marine Leaves." The Marine asked me if I wanted to go with him on to go get his weekly haircut. Normally, I wouldn't, but today and the next few months I probably will. It's about 40 minutes total in the car there and back that we get to be with each other. We like it. Anytime is better than no time. We talked about what we might want to do when he gets back. We thought Florida was a good idea. We also talked about what we might want to do for R&R.

I didn't break down until after he left the car and went inside to get his hair cut. Basically, once he shut the door I started crying. It wasn't a sobbing cry. The tears just started streaming out of my eyes and kept coming. I decided to let them just come, I don't really want to hold them in all the time. Which I do sometimes, well most of the time. I don't like crying. I hate the way it makes my head feel, it messes with my sinuses. Plus, I want people to think I'm strong and of course I have it in the back of my mind that tears=weakness. Even though I know that's not the case! I was done crying by the time he was done with his haircut, and I felt better. I just needed to get them out.

This is normal, it's called the Roller Coaster of Emotions. Everyone goes through it differently. There can be shock, sadness, anger, guilt, distancing yourself from loved ones, the service member can be excited about going, etc. Our last deployment I don't think I was able to go through the roller coaster, it all happened so fast! This time I am pretty sure that I am going through the emotions. I know it's ok, and I know I will be ok.

I told my friend Jojo the other day, "Some days will be good, some will be ok, and then some will just suck. Those days I'll have my pity party day, and then I'll put my big girl panties on and keep living life." It's what I have to do. I have to keep living, I have to keep getting up in the morning. I have to keep moving forward. I also can't let those bad days happen more than the the good ones. If that's happening to you or anyone you know, seek help! Talk to your friends, family, doctor, a counselor, chaplain, etc. Just talking to someone can make all the difference in the world.

So I had a rough half hour earlier, but I feel better. I needed to get that out of me. Who knows when the next moment will be, but I know I'm ok and I will be ok through this whole process. And that is all that matters.

The Dancer