Grrrr!

I know it's been awhile.  I have a lot to catch up on, but not now.  I have to get this out first!

Dear Certain People,

I know you messaged me yesterday.  The question you asked is something I need to talk to the Marine about, since it does have to do more with him than me.  I'm sure you guys need to know now, but you didn't tell me that in the message.  And it's not my fault you all are notifying me now, because I'm sure you all have been talking about this for a couple of weeks.  So you are just going to have to wait to hear back from me until I hear from the Marine.  I do not have instant access with him all the time.  You know, it's the nature of a deployment.  Sometimes I can hear from him in a timely manner, but that is a rare occassion.

I know with the Marine gone, I'm just an after thought.  So thanks for making me feel part of the group. 

Sincerely,

The Dancing Outlaw

No Good Very Bad Month

That is what it has been for me. The past month has been horrible, and it was all out of my control. I'll get into it later, but that is why I haven't written. I'm still coming to terms with some of it, and my emotions are all over the place.

Just know I am ok.

I'll see you at Rainbow Bridge Autumn

Today I put our cat, Autumn, down.  She has been sick and we have been trying to figure out what was wrong with her.  She started to really go down hill this past weekend.  We knew it was coming, but we just didn't know when.  It's been hard on me, but I can only imagine how this is for the Marine.  I know he wanted to be here for both Autumn and I.  A good friend came with me and that helped so much.  I decided to have her cremated.  It cost a little bit more, but they will put her in an urn and give us a little plaque with her paw print.  I thought this way the Marine and I can do something for her when he gets back, so he has some closure.

I have had Autumn since the day she was born.  She was born August 14, 1997.  I was 16, I actually turned 17 a few weeks later.  She has been with me through so much.  High school, college, boyfriends, break ups, meeting the man of our dreams, moving 8 times, a wedding, 7 years of marriage, adopting new fursiblings, buying a house, 2 R&R's, 1.5 deployments, and so much more!  She fell in love with the Marine right away, and almost stole him away from me!  As a kitten she used to run up the under side of the stairs at my parents house!  Gosh that was a site!  She could purr like a chainsaw, and she loved to hunt bugs.  She could get the Marine to help her hunt bugs by crying that they were too high, so he would pick her up so she could reach them.  She loved to roll around in the funshine (sunshine), have her tailed pulled, and be picked up by both of her ears.  She was Dashes true love, but she didn't want to show him how much she loved him.  She liked to play hard to get.  She was a sweet cat, and I adored her. 

She had many names.  Autumn, Autumn Bottom (I know creative), Squeaks, Squeakers, Squeakums, Munchkin, and the newest coined by our nieces Rainbow Kitty.

Autumn, you will be missed by all of us.  We love you and will see you at Rainbow Bridge when it's time.

Rainbow Bridge


Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Oh the Irony!

So R&R is practically here, and guess what happens?  The glass on my oven door shattered!  Not, what you were expecting, huh?  We'll probably only have to pay a small fee to have it fixed/replaced if the manufacturer's warranty is out.  Which I think it is, but that's ok.  I'd rather pay a small fee than pay for the whole thing or even buy a new oven.

Where's the irony, you ask?

Well, last time the Marine was coming home for R&R (was in transit, and didn't have much access to phones and email, but more email access than phone) our computer blew up!  Ok, it didn't explode but it started smoking, and it was basically toast after that.  This was not that long ago, but this was when there weren't any Ipod Touches or Iphones, and Blackberries were just coming out.  So smart phones were in their infancy.  So there went one of my main of ways of contacting the Marine.  Of course this happened on New Year's Eve, and every place in 29 Palms was closed for a few days! 

Luckily I had some awesome neighbors who let me come over and use their computer a couple of times a day.  They day he flew into Palm Springs he called me to let me know when he'd be here.  That was my first call from him in days.

So last night I sent him an email telling him about the oven.  I have yet to hear back from him.  Now, I know this doesn't really affect our communication the like the computer did, but it does affect how I eat and possibly how we'll eat when he's here for R&R if it's not fixed!  I use the oven a lot.  I have something frozen, I throw it on one of my baking stones, and then I bake.  Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.  I was telling my friends today, and they asked me if I had a toaster oven, and I said no but I'm thinking about getting one.  They all said "Do it!"  So I think a toaster oven is in my future.

Well, I have things I have to do since R&R is right around the corner!  I couldn't resist with this quote, it's from my childhood, and since my appliances seem to have issues.  Show yours some love.

"I remember the first time my bulb burned out. I thought, "That's it! I'm burnt out! Eighty-sixed! To the showers!" And then the master gave me a new bulb... and I glowed."~ Lampy from The Brave Little Toaster.

The Dancer

Bah

The Marine has been gone almost close to half a year.  If this was a normal (well as normal as you can get) USMC deployment, we'd be on the downhill slope.  We'd be getting ready for his homecoming.  Instead we are getting ready for R&R, and deep down I'd rather have him coming home and staying a while, instead of being here for a couple of weeks and then sending him back.  Don't get me wrong, I am so glad that the Marine gets R&R, I just don't want to send him back.

I'm a bit jealous.  It's hard for both of us to see our friends come home from their deployments when they left shortly before, around the same time, or just after the Marine did.  Then they come home before him, and we still have a good part of the deployment left.  The emotions at this point are frustrating.  I am so happy that our friends are coming home, but it's hard for me too.  I want what my friends have or will soon have.  And to know I don't get that for many, many months just sucks.  That's the best way to put it.  It sucks, and nothing can be done about it.

I just want my Marine home.  The Marine just wants to be home. 

We are getting to the point we are over this.  I remember during the first deployment, around month 7 we were over the deployment,  We were both done, and we still 5 had months left.  I believe that there is something about that number 7.  I think we are not suppose to be away from our partners that long.  The service members are also done with what they are doing.  They are burnt out.  It's an emotional and/or psychological thing, I'm sure there is some sort of study out there about it.  I'm just too lazy to look it up, plus I already know how I feel. 

But I'm starting to feel done with this deployment, and we aren't even to the halfway point.  Maybe it's because it's the summer and I don't have as much going on.  I'm hoping that's the case.

This quote is pretty dramatic, but it's the closest to my feeling right now. 

"Absence from whom we love is worse than death, and frustrates hope severer than despair." ~William Cowper

The Dancer

Home & Back Again

I am in Wyoming.  It's nice to be back in Wyoming, home.  I have been able to see many friends and family, and got to go up to Yellowstone and Jackson Hole.  I haven't been there in about 10 years.  It's been nice to be in my old stomping grounds.  The weather has been great, it snowed!  Yes, I'm excited that it snowed, Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons were beautiful from all of the snow.  And yes, it did snow in May in Wyoming.  It hasn't been too cold or too hot.  When I left NC it was getting into the 90's!  I'm glad that I left!

With that said, I'm ready to get back home.  To my home, where my furbabies are and my things are.  I miss Cinder.  I miss the cats too, but they are not as dependent on me as Cinder is.  It has not been the same trip to Wyoming without her.  She has always been with me when we visited.  I head back in a day.  I have one more fav restaurant, Shari's, to go to, hopefully hit up Hobby Lobby, go to the post office, pack, have dinner with my friend, and then my parents and I are driving down to Ft Collins.  Then the next day they take me to Denver, and I hop on the plane to get back to mi casa and my furbabies. 

So with that I need to get off the computer and get packing.

"Let us dance in the sun, wearing wild flowers in our hair..." ~Susan Polis Shutz

The Dancer

Why I Dance and Create Dance

Tonight was dress rehearsal!  Yay!  It means we are about to end the year and show everyone our hard work!  Tonight was why I dance.  Tonight was why I choreograph.

When I started in the August things were a bit rough for a few months with my older girls.  A big part of it was I was new and had a different style.  They weren't used to me.  So we were adjusting and it was a battle!  Let's just say lots of drama with kids and parents.  Luckily, my boss was very supportive.  She kept saying that they had to get used to my style.

You see, I teach in a very small town, so they have all been dancing together since before they were born.  So they have had the same teachers, and these teachers had the same teachers.  See what I'm getting at?  It's not a bad thing, but I came in with different experiences and styles.  So I come in with my weird style, and gosh did those girls fight me!  The piece is about them using all of their extensions to the fullest. They hated that, they said it was slow and not hard.  But they weren't trying, they never used their stretched to the fullest extent.  They were missing the hard part.  Finally, they got it.   They get me now, and I get them.  It just took some time, longer than I expected though.

Tonight, I got my validation on it and on a few of my pieces.  After my girls did Winter's Night, one of my Jr Company parents said, "S, that was really good!"  Another parent that I had not met before came up to me and said, "Did you choreograph that?  That was DANCE!  That is what I see dance as!"  Someone got it!  They understood!  I felt so good with those to comments.  A bit later I was talking with another Jr Company mom, and she said, "That musical theatre piece was really good!  And the ballet, did you do the ballet?  That's M's favorite dance, and I loved it!  And your piece with them in the ice blue, I had to ask who did that, because it was so different!  You could tell it wasn't one of the normal teachers because it was so different.  I loved it, and this part (she describes the moment) was amazing!" 

It's those things you love to hear.  It's an ego boost, we all need them every once in awhile.  I admit lately, I wondered if my choreography was up to par with the other teachers.  I mean I would look at their pieces and I thought yes they were, but I wasn't ever really hearing any feed back.  Now, I know that it is, but I just do things differently (which I knew anyways.)  Now, no more wondering.

So I teach because I want to touch the world, I dance because have too, I create because it's my outlet.

"I don't want people who want to dance, I want people who have to dance." ~George Balanchine